Olaf (tm2jetfire) wrote,

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dreaming of that face again it's bright and blue and shimmering, grinning wide and

comforting me with its three warm and wild eyes

Sarah's comment touched on an important enough subject to write an entry rather than leave my response in the comments section.

Always worse? I beg to differ. I don't think you mean like with heroin or meth or crack, where nothing can compare to the high once you've attained it. Normal life can seem boring compared to tripping, but it's not like that, or else it would be addictive. I suppose one way it can turn your world-view negative is to make you more cynical. Psychedelia opens some peoples' eyes to the way the authorities deceive you with their view of reality, like Bill Hicks and Tim Leary talk about. But I grew up in a cynical household (largely due to LSD's effect on my family), so it didn't change anything in that respect for me. For a lot of people, it opens up a new world of love and compassion through the experience of oneness... but I don't believe in collectivism, I've felt it on mushrooms but I think the feeling means something less than obvious. No, the insights I've gained through psychedelic exploration have largely been in a Nietzschean jenseits von Gut und Böse vein. The most easily verbalized one being that objective reality exists in another dimension which humans imperfectly perceive, but we are better at perception than any other known organism. Of course, that's something I had thought of before drugs (B.D.) but mushrooms were a bit like a confirmation of a hypothesis. Always worse? If each trip made me more depressed, I would not be looking forward to the next one, indeed there would be no next one.

One thing I really like about how I look at the world A.D. is trying to picture what I might be seeing if I were tripping right now. I can't vividly imagine really strong hallucinations or time contraction/dilation/cycles, but I can sometimes make my skin swim around or make checkered tile dip and swell.

While we're on the subject, I had a dream last night in which I have some acid. In fact I have a whole sheet of blotter paper in my pocket, it is orange with a little green on each tab. I take two hits and suddenly my environment enters the spin cycle. I am outside the high school, many people are there, it is some sort of graduation celebration. Where the football field normally is, is the ocean, and the Arc de Triomphe is in the ocean. I am assaulted by visions of architecture, flying buttresses literally flying, a barn in a field. I am aware of being in the middle of a crowd and try to act normal but lose inhibition. Ms. Bastien comes to wish me good luck in the future, I attempt to say something coherent and fail miserably. More swirling visions of architecture, and this is interesting: memories of long past dreams. Italian villas that were my home in slumber three or four years ago, the post-modern library in the middle of central park, a covered bridge on land, more that was obscured upon waking. I go inside, take an elevator several (dozen?) floors down to some brightly lit tunnels, which lead to a dorm room (known by me to be mine, but it is not reminiscent of any that I've occupied in real life) and some of my friends, including Derek and Craig if I recall correctly. Being that I have so much LSD, I give a couple hits to each and wake up to my 4:30 AM alarm. I should note that I have not yet had the opportunity to visit Uncle Cid in real life.

With some drugs, cessation of habitual use leads to horrible withdrawal symptoms: death (in the case of alcohol and benzodiazepines), DTs, scary bad hallucinations, constant vomiting, pains throughout the body, sweating, coughing up black, bloody phlegm, or at the very least irritability. When you smoke marijuana a lot and then stop entirely, the only recognized withdrawal symptom is a dramatic increase in the vividness and number of individual dreams. This has persisted in my case for three months so far, even with a few (two early, one recent) smoking sessions. This is known as REM rebound, and I love it. It is not simply a return to normal after marijuana caused me to have little to no dreams for a year, it is a step above baseline as I recall it. I hope I can strike a balance between use and abstinence to effect dream optimization.

I need to get out more help!!!
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